I'm just as guilty of this as anyone. For the longest time I looked at the Twilight books as the ramblings of a lonely, horny, middle aged woman. But, I had never read them, thus creating a dilemma. In order for me to accurately pass judgement on the works of Stephanie Myers, I had to first read them myself. I'm not expecting this review to change any one's mind. Chances are if you are reading this you have already read the books or seen the movie and have created your own opinion on the subject.
"No." I didn't feel like mentioning that my stomach was already full - full of butterflies.
Before I read the book my biggest beef with the story was that the vampires could walk around in the daylight. Over all the years, from the bad ass Dracula stories to the homo-erotic Anne Rice novels, one thing has always been consistent; when hit by sunlight vampires turn to dust. When I brought this up to one of my friends her response was "Vampires sparkle, fool." I thought she was using some sort of slang I didn't really understand and was trying to be cute.
I thought Anne Rice had made vampires as gay as they could be. I was clearly wrong.
Sparkling aside, the biggest problem with Twilight is the characters themselves. To put it bluntly, they're stupid. Bella, who is supposed to be a plain girl, with no discernible personality, and no specific likes and dislikes. How plain can Bella be, when she has the attentions of Edward Cullen, Mike Newman, Eric Whoever, Jacob Black, AND Tyler Crowley? She's all, "I'm pale. I'm skinny. I'm not athletic. I'm not blonde. Wah, wah, wah." And yet, every single dude in the book wants to jump her bones. Bottom line is that Bella is the main character, and she's a completely unlikable "Mary-Sue".
Edward is worse. It seems like Myers has taken it upon herself to make this character to appear as "perfect" as possible. He sparkles, he's gorgeous, and he has cut out of marble abs. Yet, this demi-god of sex is only interested in the plain girl that seems to be nothing but a hassle. Oh, and he's kind of a creeper. He sneaks into her house to watch her sleep because he thought she "smelled nice". If he were any other person he'd be on a sexual offenders list, but just because he's mysterious and he sparkles, it's suddenly okay. Also he's over protective of Bella. My coworker gave me a brief run down of his insanity. Through the course of the other books, Edward destroys her car engine to keep her from seeing Jacob, and has his sister kidnap Bella. I guess Stephanie Myers wants girls to know that when a guy hurts you, he's only doing it because he loves you.
The only remotely likable character is this kid Jacob. You can tell he's into Bella, but when she does stupid shit he doesn't sugar coat his words, he lets her know when she's being a dumb ass. Edward on the other hand is a passive aggressive pussy who can't seem to get over the fact that his sperm will eviscerate her ovaries. It's great to know that young girls everywhere are being taught its perfectly okay to string along decent guys who love you until your vampire boyfriend shows up. Bella chooses Edward because he makes her feel "alive" even though he's constantly on the verge of killing her. And stalking her. Can't emphasize that enough.
This book was absolutely terrible. It was so bad I can't even really consider it reading, it was more like peering into Stephanie Myers's deepest darkest desires, which I find creepy. From now on when people tell me they read Twilight, I'm going to automatically put the word read in quotations (like this: "read"). I do not condone this book, I will not "read" the rest. As I said this is my opinion. You are free to have your own, but now that I've "read" Twilight I feel I have the right to criticize it as much as I want. I implore you people, please read real books once in a while. If you want to "read" this bullshit, fine. But, for the love of God read some real books too. I'm saying this, and I have an embarrassingly large comic book collection. How sad is that?
I'll leave you with this; when Robert Pattinson signed on to play Edward Cullen in a three-movie contract deal, he was unaware of how bad the books really were. When he discovered his mistake, Pattinson took to insulting the book and its author in interviews as much as he could. Check out the link and see for yourself. When the main actor of the film based on your books hates your work, you know you've hit a new low.
Suck it Twilight, you make even Michael Bay look good. For that reason, I will hate you forever.