Wednesday, November 18, 2009

My Quest to Find Out if the Prince of Persia Movie is Real

Recently Disney released a new trailer for their latest film venture, Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time. It’s produced by Jerry Bruckheimer and stars Jake Gyllenhaal as the titular Prince. For those of you unaware of these Hollywood players, Bruckheimer is the man behind great films like Pirates of the Caribbean, as well as shitty films like Pirates of the Caribbean 2 & 3. Gyllenhaal is the emo kid from Donnie Darko who made out with Heath Ledger.
When I first saw the promotional poster it didn’t seem real to me. It looked like a fake movie poster you would see on Entourage.

If he’s Persian, where are his tacky silk shirts, gold chains, and designer sunglasses?

After the trailer was released, I was even more convinced it was a hoax perpetrated by Entourage. I simply couldn't allow myself to believe that someone was serious about making this a movie.

Why would somebody seriously make this?

In order to get to the bottom of this I decided to call up Entourage's network and find out what was the point of promoting an obviously fake movie.

(The below transcript is 100% real. Names were changed to keep me from being sued.)

Attempt #1

Operator: Showtime Networks Inc. how may I help you?

Johnson: I’d like to speak to whoever runs Entourage.

Operator: Sir that’s…

Johnson: Oh, sorry. I meant “whomever.”

Operator: Sir…

Johnson: The guy in charge is Marky Mark right? Put me through to him.

Operator: Sir you seem to be confused, this is Showtime. Entourage is on HBO.

Johnson: Dammit…


Attempt #2

Operator: Time Warner, how may I help you?

Johnson: Son of a bitch...


Attempt #3

Operator: Time Warner, how may I help you?

Johnson: Yeah, sorry…lord this is embarrassing…I’ve been trying to get a hold of HBO and I keep getting directed to you.

Operator: HBO is a subsidiary of Time Warner sir.

Johnson: Of course... a sub…dairy.

Operator: Subsidiary.

Johnson: Sub…way…sandwich.

Operator: It means that Time Warner owns HBO.

Johnson: Oh, ok now were getting somewhere. Can I talk to Entourage please?

Operator: Excuse me?

Johnson: I’d like to speak to the Entourage, like Marky Mark or Ari Gold.

Operator: Sir, what is the meaning of this call?

Johnson: I’m glad you asked. I’m a writer…for the INTERNET

(I paused for the impressed gasp, but when I realized no gasp was coming, I begrudgingly continued.)

Johnson: ...And I was just wanted to ask them why they are promoting a fake movie.

Operator: Excuse me?

Johnson: Prince of Persia. They’re spending a ton of money on fake movie trailers and posters and I’m just wondering why? Is Darko going to be on the next season?

Operator: ...

Johnson: Is that a spoiler or something? Did you just get a spoiler alert?

Operator: Sir, I’m going to transfer you to someone that can answer your questions.

Johnson: Thank you.

(It took almost 30 minutes for me to realize she had simply hung up on me.)

Attempt #4

Operator: Time Warner, how may I help you?

Johnson: HBO, please.

Operator: One second.

HBO Operator: Home Box Office, how may I direct your call?

Johnson: Yes, I’d like to speak to Entourage, please.

HBO Operator: One second.

Johnson: Awesome.

Operator: Time Warner, how may I help you?

Johnson: This is bullshit…


Attempt #5

Tricia: Jerry Bruckheimer Films, this is Tricia, how may I direct your call?

Johnson: Mr. Bruckheimer please.

Tricia: May I ask who is calling?

Johnson: This is...Speilberg.

Tricia: Speilberg?

Johnson: Yeah, you know who I am.

Tricia: Hold please.

(I can hear Tricia explaining to someone that a Speilberg is on the phone for Mr. Bruckheimer.)

Aaron: This is Aaron, one of Mr. Bruckheimer's assistants. Who is this?

Johnson: This is Speilberg.

Aaron: What's your first name?

Johnson: ...Um...Mister.

Aaron: ... Is this a prank call?

Johnson: Look I just have one question to ask Mr. Bruckheimer.

Aaron: Well I can give him your message.

Johnson: Is the Prince of Persia movie for real?

Aaron: ...What?

Johnson: Is this movie seriously being made?

Aaron: I don't...(whispers to someone in the background)...I don't understand what you're asking.

Johnson: I just want to know if this movie is real or if it's something made up by Entourage.


Aaron: Are you serious?

Johnson: Just answer the damn question.

Aaron: Yes, it's a real movie.

Johnson: Really? If its a joke and you just need to keep it under wraps, dude I get it. I won't say a word.

Aaron: It's a real movie.

Johnson: So it's not a hoax, perpatrated by Entourage?

Aaron: No.

Johnson: Can you check?

Aaron: No.


Aaron: Is there anything else?

Johnson: Yeah...can I get free tickets?


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