An Innapropriate Night Before Christmas

Tips on How to Kick Ass at Monopoly

Monopoly can be more than a frustrating game when you’re losing, but a victory can be more rewarding than a Nobel Peace Prize. Unfortunately, for most losing at Monopoly exceeds irritation to the point of “Hulk-esque” flip-outs, causing the game to come to an abrupt end, and robbing the victor of their celebratory fist pumps and crotch chops.

ARRGH! HULK WANTED PARK PLACE!

Today I am going to share with you a few helpful tips that will end your Monopoly losing streak, giving you the overwhelming joy of financial success while not robbing you of your God given right to be an incompetent failure.

Johnson Brothers Around the World

Around Christmas 2008, my brother Adam had a great idea...

"Andrew," he said as he threw his gin glass against the wall, "I'm tired of hanging around our home town every holiday! We should get out more."

Questionable Sunday Comics

Every Sunday I eagerly await my newspaper so I can delve into the worlds of my favorite comic characters. Usually their antics are goodhearted and fun, but every once in a while I'll find a cartoon that is...questionable at best. Today I have decided to share with you some of the more questionable Sunday comics I've come across.

(Editor's Note: If you are having problems viewing any of the pictures, just click on them to see a larger image.)

My Quest to Find Out if the Prince of Persia Movie is Real

Recently Disney released a new trailer for their latest film venture, Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time. It’s produced by Jerry Bruckheimer and stars Jake Gyllenhaal as the titular Prince. For those of you unaware of these Hollywood players, Bruckheimer is the man behind great films like Pirates of the Caribbean, as well as shitty films like Pirates of the Caribbean 2 & 3. Gyllenhaal is the emo kid from Donnie Darko who made out with Heath Ledger.
When I first saw the promotional poster it didn’t seem real to me. It looked like a fake movie poster you would see on Entourage.

Halloween Poems for Kids!

Ghosts are Spooky!

Halloween is great, the ghosts rise from the grave,

And, fly through the cool autumn sky

They haunt little girls and little boys too!

But, you shouldn’t be scared, just say hi!

Most are friendly, like Casper and Boo

And just want to wish you well

Unless you get the ghost of John Wayne Gacey

Who will drag you with him back to hell

Yes, he kidnapped young boys

Their knees he would scrape

As he strangled them violently

After a brutal rape

So be good to your ghost friends

During the Halloween season!

Except John Wayne Gacey

Who will rape and murder for no particular reason

WVU vs Marshall: Whose Side Are You On?

 West Virginia is a proud state that has many colleges claiming residency, schools such as West Virginia Wesleyan, Fairmont State, and Bethany College. But, none are as prominent as West Virginia University and Marshall University, the two biggest colleges in the state. Because of Marshall and WVU’s long standing history, many like to claim that the two universities’ are rivals and any interaction between the two should be seen as a major event, exploited by promotions that throw around the words “friends”, “coal”, and “of”.

Blog Action Day 2009: How Climate Change and Rush Limbaugh COULD Shape the Future

September 15, 2014. 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington DC. The Office of President Rush Limbaugh.

It's been almost two years since President Rush Limbaugh took office, and the world's climate has gone through horrifying change. The President's crusade against global warming awareness, (deeming it “liberal bullshit") has brought the world to the brink of environmental catastrophes of Michael Bay like proportions. Since The JohnsoNation has become the most reliable source of news in the country, I felt it was my duty to sit down with the President and discuss the current state of not only the country, but of the world itself. I entered the Oval Office and found him reviewing his approval rating; a staggering zero percent. Once a powerful radio personality and political leader, he was now a shell of his former self.

5 Reasons Why I Hate Country Music

Something horrible has happened to music. A revolution has begun that causes ears to bleed and babies to self-abort. Many still remember when Kanye West bum rushed Taylor Swift at the MTV Video Music Awards, but few recognize that it overshadowed a much stranger event; a country song won an award at a non-country centric musical award show. Everyone accused Kanye West of acting like a jack ass, but what you don't realize is that he was trying to save us. He was trying to save us from the new surge in country music popularity.

He came to save us... and we crucified him.

Guest Blogger Alena McAllister: Twilight of the Stupid

When my good friend Andrew asked me to guest blog for him, we spent some time brainstorming about what exactly I might want to write on. Nothing was getting me motivated until Andrew thought of a topic that was timely, culturally-relevant, and got my ire going enough that I'd be able to ramble on about it for a few hundred words. What Andrew asked me was, "How do you feel about Twilight?"