How To Pull Off an All Nighter

It's that time of year again when college students nationwide crap themselves over their final exams. As the end of the year approaches, many students tend to cram for their final exams hoping their last minute attempts to accrue every bit of information that they can, will somehow eleviate their stress level. Well my college friends, I want to aide you by sharing with you some informaton that was helpful to me. When cramming, you will be tempted to pull all nighters. The all nighter is a dangerous act, and should always be treated with the utmost respect. If not, it will rip your face off and take what is left of you home to feed to it's young.

But, if you are foolish enough to attempt the all nighter, remember these important tips.

The Text Message Roller Coaster

Yesterday was a particularly boring day at work, and since I no longer have access to facebook on my work computer, (thank you hospital IT assholes), I decided that I would conduct a social experiment. I picked 10 random friends in my cell phone and sent them a series of text messages. But, instead of the usual, “Hey, what’s up?” message, I decided to get a little more creative. The messages I sent started off as innocent, but quickly escalated to strange, then to concerning, and then finally to down right ridiculous.

Guest Blogger Robert Hibbs: WATCHMEN EXCLUSIVE: Rorschach’s Deleted Journal Entries

Today my "editor" Robert Hibbs found some never before seen entries of Rorschach's diary, and he decided to share them with you today.

October 15th, 1985
The city smells like eggs…scent pleases me…can’t explain why. Went to see Doctor Manhattan at military base, no one seemed to notice he was naked. Nudity distracted me from staying on task. Perhaps that's point.

Perhaps somebody wants to keep the good doctor in his birthday suit. Keep everybody looking in the other direction. Who would benefit from this? Who would benefit from stealing the clothes of a costume? Is there a cover up to keep the Doctor uncovered?

Hard to tell at this point… could be pants thief...could be government…could be the doctor started a family practice in a nudist colony.

No insurance…no walk-ins welcome…

A Letter Explaining Why I Can't Go Back To Sheetz

To the dick head in front of me in line at Sheetz,

I love Sheetz. They are unlike any other gas station chain in the world. I say this because their food doesn’t suck, and their coffee bar is absolutely stupendous.

This is the place where happiness is born.

My Editor

Today started off as any other day… I ran four miles down my hill wearing a mesh t-shirt and tight track pants, fought a series of deadly ninjas, and treated myself to a snow cone at Dairy Queen (I usually try to get there before they open, as to avoid payment). When I got home, ready to wash the sweat, syrup, and ninja blood off of my glistening body, my phone suddenly rang. I answered, checking out my bulging biceps as I held the phone to my ear,

“Hello?”

“Mr. Johnson, this is Mr. Hibbs’s assistant. He needs you to come to his office right away.”

Things You Shouldn't Do In Disney World

I'm back from Florida more buff and tan than ever. While I was on holiday at Disney World, I learned a few things about myself...little soul searching and all. Also I learned something about Disney World that I wasn't aware of when I initially booked the trip. Now I am not confirming nor denying that I gained first hand experience in the following moments, I could have just learned it through careful observation. Needless to say if I had known this before hand, I might have skipped the trip all together.

Basically, Disney does not want you to get drunk in their parks.

This is a hard task when you're over 21 and in Epcot for two reasons. One is the fact that Epcot is boring as fuck when you're over the age of 10. There are 3 sweet rides then its all science stuff. If I wanted to learn I'd watch Mr. Wizard...I was there to lose brain cells from fast reckless rides. The other reason is that they serve alcohol...





...and when you can get a different kind of beer in each fake country display Epcot has, it is very easy to get smashed.

Guest Blogger Robert Hibbs: I-Pod, I-Phone, I-People, I-World

(Hello from sunny Florida. Since I'm on vacation a couple of guys have taken up the reigns of the blog for me this week. The first guest blogger is a man who needs no introduction, he is the great Robert Hibbs.)

First there was the I-Pod, that small hand held device that spared millions the annoyance of getting songs stuck in their heads by having all songs ever recorded captured in a thin rectangular box with a view screen and ear phones so that you could be in control of what musical sounds entered your brain, and spawned from the success of its massive sales came the I-Phone which is now the king of the I-Kingdom. The I-Phone has grown in popularity not only because of it’s easy to use innovative features but also because it firmly reinstates cell phone owners long forgotten need to show off how important they are by giving them a virtual cornucopia of endless annoying applications.

My Struggle

I'm really having a hard time today. I seem to have come to an impasse in my life, and I don't know what to do. Have you ever been burdened with such a huge decision, something that is life changing, but you just can't seem to make up your mind about it? Well that's what I'm going through right now.

When I started this blog I promised myself that I would never use it to unload my personal problems on my readers, but this situation has gotten so out of control I just don't know where else to turn. I need help with this massive choice people...

...because I just can't decide.

I can't decide if I like Watchmen or not.

A Real Crappy Entry

Recently an new world issue has been brought to my attention. I can't take credit for discovering this new wave of idiocy, my friend Jonathan brought it up during lunch. Basically, what is happening is there is a tree hugging hippie group out there that wants us to stop using toilet paper.

Oh yes.

Greenpeace wants you to have swamp ass.