Thursday, May 28, 2009

Questionable Comics

I am a big fan of comic books. I love the intricate plots, the fantastic worlds, and the awe-inspiring super heroes that inhabit the medium. Like most comic enthusiast I have become quite the collector, and have amassed myself a very large assortment of comic books. While I am a huge fan of the characters who reside in these stories, I have not always agreed with the direction that the writers have taken them in. Sometimes an authors’ own beliefs or prejudices can reflect in his treatment of a character they are writing. Most of the time the character will be put in a tense moral situation that will ultimately make them come out stronger than when they went in, but occasionally a character will be written to display attributes and morals that are questionable, weird, or just plain horrible.

So today I toiled over my collection of comic books to bring you some prime examples* of controversial super-hero behavior, and show you that even super-heroes are not exempt from acts of bigotry, sexism, or general insanity.

(Editor's Note: If you are having problems viewing any of the pictures, just click on them to see a larger image.)

Batman #289

Here we have Batman at a local dump investigating the disappearance of the Mayor of Gotham City. While he is in the dump he happens upon a man walking around with not one, but two deadly weapons…a gun and a cigarette.

Guess which one pisses him off.

I always thought Batman’s first target would be the weapon that took his parents lives.

Evidently, I thought wrong.

Superman #54

What is one of the most common things you’ll see in a Superman comic? Lois Lane gets in trouble, and Superman has to rescue her. I always thought it was ridiculous that Lois couldn’t keep herself out of trouble, and just assumed she was a lightning rod for bad luck. That is until I read this…

Not only does Superman cause all the dangers that Lois finds herself in, he’s also sexist enough to blame it on the fact that she’s a woman. Why would Superman do this to the woman he loves?

Because Superman’s a dick, that’s why.

Astonishing X-Men #1

Scott Summers aka Cyclops and Jean Grey had always been the quintessential mutant couple in the X-Men books, and Wolverine was always the third man in their love triangle. For years Wolverine was in love with Jean, and she was torn between both men. After Jean’s death at the hands of Magneto/Xorn, Cyclops moved on by banging Emma Frost. With Jean gone it was assumed that Wolverine and Scott’s rivalry would be put to rest. Unfortunately for Scott, he awoke one morning with a beautiful blonde telepath next to him, and a short hairy killing machine at the end of his bed…

Turns out all these years Wolverine really didn’t have an interest in Jean at all…he just wanted a peek at Scott’s “Cyclops”.

Marvel Team Up: The Incredible Hulk/The Amazing Spider-Man

The Hulk has many bad qualities…such as creating copious amounts of property damage and running around in nothing but purple short-shorts. But, one thing the Hulk has always been consistent of is that he detests everyone indiscriminately. Sure he hates us, but he hates us equally. That is until a new hero made the scene, revealing that Hulk is not just a walking disaster area…

It’s possible that Hulk’s anger towards homosexuals is only because he himself is gay, but is in such denial that he can’t come out of the closet. If that’s true then I pity the anus of the man who is the first victim of “Gay Hulk”.

Green Lantern #48

Hal Jordan was the greatest Green Lantern of them all until he went bat shit crazy, destroyed the Green Lantern Corps, and became the evil entity known as Parallax. Many readers were upset by this sudden transformation. Hal had not displayed any attributes that would lead him to commit wide spread genocide…in fact he was one of the more pure and honest heroes there was. But, if you go back and look at this issue, you’ll see that there was always a horrible darkness in Hal’s soul just waiting to get out…

After this he strangled a mentally retarded kid and drowned a bag full of kittens. Jack Kevorkian, Ted Bundy, John Wayne Gacey…those guys don’t have shit on Hal Jordan.

The Amazing Spider-Man #583

Loyal readers will remember my problems with Spider-Man, but if there was one thing I appreciated about the guy is that he speaks for all people. He is the quintessential every-man of the Marvel universe, so naturally he would be the first hero to meet our new President Barack Obama face to face in the pages of his book…

Guess Spider-Man speaks for all people unless they have brown skin. That mask might as well be a white hood.

*All comics were altered at the authors discretion to suite the needs of this article.

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