Thursday, April 30, 2009

The Plane Blunder

On Monday Barack Obama and the White House military office thought it would be funny to scare the living shit out of everyone in New York City.

One of Obama's presidential planes flew frighteningly low over ground zero, sending residents into a justifiable panic. The White House military office director Louis Caldera had this to say:

"While federal authorities took the proper steps to notify state and local authorities in New York and New Jersey, it's clear that the mission created confusion and disruption…I apologize and take responsibility for any distress that flight caused…I take responsibility for that decision."

He then added that he approved the mission over New York, describing it as a photo opportunity.



PHOTO OPPORTUNITY FOR WHAT?

The only photo opportunity you're going to get by flying a jumbo jet over New York City would be the photos of the people freaking out in the streets. Did you want pictures of panicked business people running and screaming from their office buildings? How about pictures of the random bicycle messenger crashing into a cab while his eyes were locked on the GIANT PLANE flying over his head? Or were you trying to see how many people you could get to shit their pants?

I’m someone who subscribes to the idea that either everything is okay to make fun of, or nothing is. I’m someone who thinks that it’s okay to make Holocaust jokes, someone who thinks its okay to make fun of Sonny Bono hitting a tree, and even I think this was over the line.


Obama said he had no idea that this was going to go down, that he was completely unaware of the military office's plans. I say bullshit. I say bullshit all over town. He had to know they were planning this, it’s his damn plane. I’m convinced this was just a huge practical joke perpetrated by the greatest mind the oval office has seen in nine years. Seriously, he’s a pretty laid back dude. He drinks beer and watches basketball. He plays with his blackberry while in meetings. Obama seems like the kind of guy who can appreciate a good prank. I bet it was something he tried to make fun, and had all the best intentions, but just spun out of control...

***

(President Obama and Director Caldera are having a meeting with the White House military staff in the oval office.)
Caldera: So, next on our agenda is…
Obama: Hey, do you guys remember that whole 9/11 thing?
(Stunned silence)
Obama: You know when the planes flew into the Twin Towers…
Caldera: Oh, we remember very well sir.
Obama: Yeah, (takes a drag off of a cigarette) that was pretty messed up.
Caldera: It was a horrible tragedy, Mr. President. I don’t think saying it was "messed up" really gives it the…
Obama: Hold that thought… (Starts texting on his black berry)…ha ha…Biden is sending me these pictures of cats playing the piano.
Caldera: Mr. President…
Obama: (Puts black berry down) I was thinking, maybe we should do something to make that whole thing seem a little less tragic. I mean it’s been eight years, don’t you think people should be over it by now?
Caldera: …Are you serious?
Obama: What if we just flew a plane over them, like one of our planes? Hell, send Air Force One.
Caldera: Are you insinuating that we make light of September 11th?
Obama: (Sparks up a joint while setting up his iPod) Dude, it’ll be a gas. People will totally get it. They'll think it’s funny.
Caldera: I don’t feel comfortable with this Mr. President.
Obama: Yeah, it’s going to be hilarious (blasts “Regulate” from his iPod and starts thugging out.)
Caldera: Mr. President, I think we should reconsider…
Obama: Someone shut him up and get me a Colt 45!
(Billy Dee Williams walks into the room tossing Colt 45’s to everyone. A huge party erupts with booze and women.)
Caldera: (Yelling) MR. PRESIDENT, I DON’T THINK…
Obama: (singing) “…Just hit the eastside of the LBC, on a mission trying to find Mr. Warren G, seen a car full of girls aint no need to tweak, all you skirts know what’s up with 213…”

***
Okay, so it probably didn’t happen like that. No matter whose fault it was, it was still a huge blunder on the part of our government. Seriously boys, this is a Bush administration mistake. You guys are supposed to be smarter than this. Here’s a new rule you should go by from now on: If you get the idea to fly a plane anywhere near ground zero…DON’T DO IT. It's too soon to do that. I can't believe you have to be told not to fly jumbo jets over New York City, it should be common sense. If you guys would just have some decency, and take other people’s feelings into consideration, then maybe these kinds of things wouldn’t happen. I say shame on you White House military office, and shame on you President Obama. You guys really need to grow up.

Now, who wants to hear a good Holocaust joke?

1 comment:

  1. the funny thing is that even though i live in manhattan, if a plane did crash down town my lack of cable would and distance from downtown would surely make me one of the last to find out

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